


I want to lose it

by phrynne



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Desperation, Drabble, Kissing, Love/Hate, M/M, Post-War, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 03:57:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12762660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phrynne/pseuds/phrynne
Summary: I was having a bad moment and wrote this in a rush, eyes burning. If you've read it, thank you*





	I want to lose it

We’re crashing and burning against each other. It’s pouring rain against the windows, and the thunder is in my lungs, and he’s pressed under me. A second ago we were fighting, I still taste blood on my lip, he has a nasty cut on his brow. I don’t know what this is now, it’s something else, it’s not fighting. I feel his wrists trapped in my closed hands, cold, skinny, against the floor. I have him against the floor, all fight is gone from his limbs, like he wants to melt into the tiles, he wants to be undone. Only his eyes fight me, they’re grey slits, I’ve never seen them so close, and it’s unsettling. I lick the blood from my lips, it tastes rusty in my mouth. I don’t know what I’m doing, mindless rage was consuming me, and now something else. Three days since the end of the War. Who am I? I can’t sleep, my home is destroyed, so many of them are gone and for the third night in a row I’m here, fighting him, first it’s the biting words, then biting hands, then there’s blood and the sight of it on his skin makes me feel something finally. It’s a rush, the world might be ridden of the monster but I’m not so sure. I feel like I’m the monster. I release his wrists, panting, i’m moving to stand up and leave but he grabs my shirt, pulls me towards him and I fall down on him, it’s a sudden abyss, I can’t breathe, I can’t, everything is wrong, I’m wrong… he kisses me. He hurts my lips with his teeth, biting on them but I don’t pull back, instead I’m there, all there, into the biting kiss, the pain awakens me, he pants, he has that infuriating smirk I can’t stand so I pin him down, I bite back, I taste his mouth and draw blood and it tastes good, _he_ tastes good. I bite his throat, his jaw, he moans, a faint uncanny sound to my ears and it bolts through me, I’m heady, I’m so suddenly alive, his hand somehow is on my back and it's going down, down, and oh, Merlin, he is touching me, feeling my arse, his hand curving over it, pressing and suddenly I’m grabbing his hair, my leg fits between his, his thighs feel so warm, I push, I lift myself up on all fours, grab his hands and pin them down, he lets out a low cry, his eyes are wide and so fucking grey it’s like the storm outside, he’s so pale, so thin, all edges and his lips fall open, like he wants me there, inside his mouth, it’s a challenge, he has that smile and it gets me, I have to answer it, I can’t not answer it, I want him. I keep him in place and slowly lower my head down, and this time I make him wait for it, I want him to know that I’m going to kiss him, that I’ll do it with purpose this time, because I want to, not because it’s just happening, uncontrolling, no, this time i need him to know it’s deliberate, it’s a decision. He stops breathing. His eyes don’t leave mine, he doesn’t fight me, in fact, his legs fall open slightly but it’s enough for me to know he wants this, deliberately, he wants me. I lean down, close to his lips, I want him to feel my breathing on his face, I’m so close, so fucking close I can taste him already, he smells like rain and desperation, he’s sweating, i unhinge him, i get under his skin like no else does, he hates me still but that’s not all because he can’t have enough of me. My lips brush his, his hips push against me and I force him down, but my leg is still where it needs to be and I feel him getting hard. It’s something so real, it yanks me down. The world is mad, I’m mad, I’m madly in need of him, and so I let our lips brush against each other and linger there. The little sounds he can’t stop making are addictive. I stop, everything in my body feels on edge, and I don’t want to cling to the remnants of sanity anymore, I want to lose it. My tongue traces his lip, his moan is loud this time, and I make him yearn for it, I watch him lifting his head from the floor, trying to be closer and closer to me, and then I give it all up to him, my mouth crashes over his, I press him on the floor and his hands are free and everywhere, his legs are suddenly wrapped around me and my tongue is stuffed inside his mouth, he wants me, he wants me to fuck him, he’s telling me that with his desperate hands under my shirt now, he feels all mine already, I just want to forget the world, everyone in it, but him. He’s the only thing left.

**Author's Note:**

> I was having a bad moment and wrote this in a rush, eyes burning. If you've read it, thank you*


End file.
